Oh, how realistic
by coadhpgg
Summary: Gale becomes a sadistic Murderer, Eighteen year old Prim wears her hair in bunches and is known as little duck, President Snow and President Coin, who want to kill each other are secretly in love, oh and so are Katniss and Haymitch, Peeta then forgets about Katniss and has an affair with a delightful Mary-Sue OC. Just some of the many realistic things our fandom has produced.
1. Chapter 1

**note: hey. this is my little parody type thing about the many (un) realistic things i have come across, i did it for a break from my other story, confusion of the senses, so yeah, Read, Review, enjoy, and don't get offended.**

Oh, hey there! My name is Gale Hawthorne, and I was a soldier in the rebellion, I worked very hard to make sure the rebellion succeeded, accidentally-on-purpose killing a lot of people with my bomb designs , including my best friend Katniss Everdeen's sister Prim, who Katniss loved very much, which made her spiral into depression.

I'll admit it, I love Katniss Everdeen.

I love her.

I love her.

I love her.

I'll shout it from the rooftops if you want me too, I've always loved her.

I love Katniss Everdeen.

I always thought that I'd end up marrying Katniss and having beautiful babies after the rebellion, but she ended up marrying and having kids with bread boy, Peeta Mellark.

I hate Peeta Mellark.

So naturally, I decide to join a group of sadistic people, working to get back the old Capitol that I tried so hard to destroy, I am completely loyal to them, and I am also completely bent on killing Katniss, Peeta and their two kids. Seriously, I want to kill them. I become a disgusting madman and a murderer, all because Katniss chose Peeta over me.

Pfffttt, just some girl trouble, I'll get over it.

Oh, how realistic.


	2. Chapter 2

Every day drags on forever. I miss Prim, I miss her laugh I miss her smile, I miss the way she would quack when I called her "little duck" I miss her eyes, her hair, how she knew what I was feeling before I knew it myself.

All I know is I'm never falling in love.

Ever.

I will never get married or have children, and that's final

Everyone I love gets hurt, I loved Prim, she's dead, I loved gale, and he's gone. I loved my father he's dead, I loved my mother, she's broken. I loved Finnick, Peeta, Rue, Lavina, Darius, the list is endless.

They all got hurt in one way or another.

I go outside; I really need some fresh air right now.

Oh look!

That's Peeta!

Oh, wow… he looks handsome today, oh and his hair! And his eyes, I feel like he's staring into my soul.

I feel funny.

Oh, I know what this is! I'm in love with him.

Yay! I love Peeta Mellark!

So I walk up to him and kiss him.

Next step: get married and have many babies.

**In honor of all the fanfics where Katniss falls in love with Peeta after barely 100 words... :)**


	3. Chapter 3

I hate Katniss Everdeen.

She's a stupid mutt who killed my family and friends, not to mention everyone else she's hurt.

I just want to kill her.

My fingers twitch with need. The need to wrap them around her throat and choke the life out of her, oh the satisfaction it will bring me to watch her take her last breath, to know I killed her.

I bet everyone will be really pleased with me, happy that I killed that mutt, they'll probably make the day she died a national holiday or something.

God, I hate her.

I walk around the streets of district twelve, now in ruins because of her. I look at Thom pushing a cart full of dead people.

_She killed him._ I think, looking at a dead body.

_And her._

_And him._

_And her._

I drag my eyes away from the dead bodies, I wish I could kill her, kill her for all the pain she's brought to everyone, and get my payback.

Who's that? Is that… Katniss?

Whoa! She's prettier than I remembered.

I feel a weird tugging feeling

_Katniss is not a mutt._

She's not a mutt!

I'm cured!

Hooray!

Huzzah!

I quickly run up to her.

Oh, how I love her.

She turns to look at me.

I pull out a ring that I just _happened_ to be carrying around in my pocket. Good thing I never leave the house without an engagement ring.

"Katniss Everdeen, will you marry me?"

**It's a good thing Peeta always carries around an engagement ring.**


	4. Chapter 4

Two days before the reaping of the 174th hunger games, Shmatniss Shmeverdeen and her sister Shmimrose Shmeverdeen live in district twelve, every day Shmatniss goes hunting with her best friend Shmale Shmathorne, even though it's illegal.

At the reaping, Shmimrose gets reaped! Oh no! So Shmatiniss volunteers for her, the boy who gets reaped is Shmeeta Shmellark, the baker's son who saved her life once, in a very similar story to that of how Peeta Mellark saved Katniss Everdeen's life, even though Shmatniss and Shmeeta don't see the similarities.

Their mentor and escort are called Shaymitch and Shmeffie, Shaymitch is always drunk and Shmeffie if obsessed with etiquette and manners.

Shato, Shmclove, Shimmer and Shmarvel are the careers, they hate Shmatinss and Shmeeta.

A long story short, Scinna (her stylist) designs some stuff that gets set on fire she gets called "the girl on fire" and everyone loves her. She goes into the hunger games, teams up with a twelve year old district eleven girl called shrue, Shmatniss blows up some food, Shmarvel kills Shrue, the announcer says two tributes can win, Shmatiss goes and sucks faces with Shmeeta in a cave,there is a feast, Shresh (district eleven boy) spares her life, Shmclove dies, Shmato kills Shresh, Shmato gets killed by mutts, He dies, Shmatiss and Shmeeta threaten to eat berries and win.

Huzzah!

But President Shnow is angry, and from his anger rises two sequels of this very, very original story!

Wait, does this sound familiar to you?

**come on guys, if you're gonna copy the whole plot of the hunger games, you could at least be original with the names.**


	5. Chapter 5

Hey I'm Prim!

I'm 18 years old.

Nineteen soon! YAY!

I like ribbons, ponies, pink, Princesses and Fairies.

Boys are icky! They're smelly! Throw rocks at them!

I like wearing my hair in bunches, I think it makes me look like a big girl!

Katniss says I'm already a big girl, even though she calls me "little duck"

The thing I don't like about being big at that they're all soooooooooooooo serious!

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

And they _don't_ like ponies!

Who doesn't like ponies!

My favourite "my little pony" is Pinkie pie.

Who's yours?

Oh sorry, I have to go now, need to get ready for my _nineteenth_ birthday!

Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!1!1!111!1111

**seriously****, who doesn't like my little pony? my faves are twilight sparkle and rarity .**


	6. Chapter 6

"What a wonderful child!" said Katniss "what should we call her?"

"I know!" said Peeta "lets call her…"

"BREAD!"

"That's an amazing idea!" said Katniss

Peeta was known in district twelve for his awesome ideas for children's names.

…..

"What a wonderful child!" said Katniss "what should we call her?"

"I know!" said Peeta "let's call her…"

"EDFHRSWUGHFOISDVHWORIBIUFEGH KNYLHISDGHFLQ!"

"That's an amazing idea!" said Katniss

Peeta was known in district twelve for his awesome ideas for children's names

…

"What a wonderful child!" said Katniss "what should we call her?"

"I know!" said Peeta "let's call her…"

"PRESIDENTSNOW-WHITEROSES-THEHUNGERGAMES-CAPITOL-MUTT!"

"That's an amazing idea!" said Katniss

Peeta was known in district twelve for his awesome ideas for children's names

…

"What a wonderful child!" said Katniss "what should we call her?"

"I know!" said Peeta "let's call her…"

"THEBABY!"

"That's an amazing idea!" said Katniss

Peeta was known in district twelve for his awesome ideas for children's names

….

"What a wonderful child!" said Katniss "what should we call her?"

"I know!" said Peeta "let's call her…"

"PEENISS!"

"That's an amazing idea!" said Katniss

Peeta was known in district twelve for his awesome ideas for children's names

...

"What a wonderful child!" said Katniss "what should we call her?"

"I know!" said Peeta "let's call her…"

"PROOF-THAT-ME-AND-KATNISS-DID-IT!"

"That's an amazing idea!" said Katniss

Peeta was known in district twelve for his awesome ideas for children's names

….

"What a wonderful child!" said Katniss "what should we call her?"

"I know!" said Peeta "let's call her…"

"GLITTER-SPARKLE-MARYSUE-PRINCESS!"

"That's an amazing idea!" said Katniss

Peeta was known in district twelve for his awesome ideas for children's names

…..

"What a wonderful child!" said Katniss "what should we call her?"

"I know!" said Peeta "let's call her…"

"HAYMITCH!"

"That's an amazing idea!" said Katniss

Peeta was known in district twelve for his awesome ideas for children's names

…

"What a wonderful child!" said Katniss "what should we call her?"

"I know!" said Peeta "let's call her…"

"IN-YOUR-FACE-GALE!"

"That's an amazing idea!" said Katniss

Peeta was known in district twelve for his awesome ideas for children's names.

Haymitch (who just apparently appeared out of nowhere) groaned, that was a rubbish idea for a name.

With a sigh, he got up to go home to his amazing wife, called, imnotEffieTrinket.

..

**Note: i haven't updated in ages, sorry, but , this is the exciting part, it's because i'm working on two awesome new hunger games fanfics that are awesome. one is a collab with two friends that should be up in a few weeks, one is a really depressing story called "the hanging tree" but anyway, i decided to get with the times and make a tumblr, i haven't had it for too long so i don't have many posts and crap, but i'm learning to use it**, **it's:**

**peetasdauntlesswolf**

**mkay cool, if you cant, go ask me when my updates will be and crap or ask me to follow you, idk do what you want :)**


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